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What is Courtship in Indian Traditional Marriage System?

What is Courtship in Indian Traditional Marriage System?


1 Answer

Courtship is the time between fixing of marriage and actual day of marriage. Courtship is the most beautiful and romantic period of one’s life. The couple look forward for their meetings and take utmost care in terms of dressing and behaviour. They go all out of their ways to impress each other. In their eagerness to project their best in front of each other, the basic and necessary discussion about their future and life takes a back seat. Courtship is the time when one can find out every possible detail about each other, their likes, dislikes, attitude, values etc. The list mentioned below gives us details of what a person could discuss during this period that would prove beneficial for both the partners for their entire life.

Expectations of each partner: Especially in relation to each other. How would they share their responsibilities both social and professional etc.

Religion, especially in case of inter-religion marriages: Topics like family support, and coping with the situation in case of no family support, religion followed, by their children etc. can be discussed. Generally, these issues come up for discussion after the marriage mostly resulting in conflicts.

Housing for the couple: Issues like where will they stay after the marriage, will it be in a joint family or they would opt for nuclear family. Where the funds would come for buying a new house if they have to etc.
Relative: An important topic in the Indian scenario, what are the expectations of the boys parents from their daughter-in-law. Will they allow the girl to work after marriage, what are their expectations with regard to children are some important topics.

Dependents (parents and siblings): How would the couple handle the responsibilities of dependent parents and siblings. It becomes more important when it is the girl’s parents and siblings dependent on her.

Interests and hobbies: To know each-others interest and hobbies is also important to start a new life. No matter what, each partner in the marriage should be given the freedom to pursue their interests and hobbies. Trying to suppress any partner on this issue may lead to conflicts later in life.

Economics: Discussion related to the financial strength of both and how will they manage their expenses. It is important that both people should be comfortable with whatever plans they make in this regard.

Household jobs and division of work: In case “Where both are going to be working it is necessary to have division of work each one will do in the house as putting entire burden on the girl would make it difficult for her to manage the house and job together.
Number of children and when to have them: This discussion depends on many factors like, the age of the couple, financial resources, support available, and services like crèche or a day boarding etc.

Family planning: Issues like choice of family planning methods, religious beliefs in the matter and how the couple will share the responsibility of family planning.

Friends if the couple are from different social backgrounds: Each should respect the other’s friends and give freedom to pursue friendship. How to manage in the company of the partner’s friend especially in case when one may not have liking for the friend.

Career of women: Mutual decision to work or quit job after marriage. Whatever one shares or discusses during this period should be based on truth and honesty. Misinforming or withholding information may lead to partner feeling cheated and disappointed. This would result in loss of faith in the partner for the entire life.

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September 23, 2019