Adjustment in Marriage:
Adjustment is the key to a successful marriage. Partners are expected to keep adjusting throughout their lives from time to time. But the level and stages of adjustment keep changing with changing times. In the initial years of marriage, a woman has to make more adjustments than a man. The primary areas where a woman needs to adjust in the initial years of the marriage are mentioned hereunder:
- To leave a secure environment of her parents house and move into a new and usually strange home and environment.
- Interacting with new members (husband and in-laws) who are virtually strangers.
- To adapt herself in a new routine.
- Take up new roles as a wife, daughter-in-law and sister-in-law.
- A new experience of physical intimacy.
- She has to undergo change in her entire persona-from a young carefree girl she has to become a restrained, dutiful and obedient wife and daughter-in-law.
- If a woman is working then try and balance her home and work life.
A male partner in the marriage has fewer adjustments to make.
- Sharing his life with another person.
- Sharing physical intimacy with his spouse.
- He has to make peace with the fact that his spouse has-a work life outside the house (in case of a working partner).
If the wife has a better job and is financially more established than the husband and also has an active social and political life. She is a confident and self-assured person on one hand and on the other hand the husband has low self-esteem this could lead to clash of egos and pride especially in case the wife happens to be insensitive and try and make the husband feel incompetent. With changing social structure and change in the environment, most women are working men on the other hand are trying to learn and adjust to the newly found confidence of women and are have started treating them as equals.
Minor Adjustment of day-to-day Living:
A human being has various psychological aspects of his/her personality. Partners in marriage should need to understand as to how they place themselves dominant or submissive; and whether the same pattern remains in under all conditions or they change according to changing environment. Another aspect of assessing themselves is whether they are rational and intuitive or sensitive. Whatever the outcome is there is no wrong or right in this areas.
An insight about self and the partner would only help each other to relate to each other more effectively. As we all are aware that one needs to make certain adjustments in day-to-day life. It does not mean that there-is,something seriously wrong in the marriage. To keep the marriage going certain fair fight rides can be applied-these are:
- While arguments/conflict stick to one topic, do not bring old forgotten issues.
- Get the fight over as soon as possible.
- Fighting in public is strictly a NO-NO.
- Don’t say things that hurt the other person. Remember words once spoke cannot be taken back.
- No physical assault.
- If the situation comes on verge of an explosion, take a break, calm yourself and with a coot mind try sorting out the issues.
- Don’t threaten to end the marriage.
If some major issues are involved, they would not be solved unless:
- Both partners work out a compromise.
- Both try and bring about a change in them.
- If situation is such that cannot be handled among both the partners, it is advisable that other family member or friends are brought in. If need be help could be taken from a professional marriage counselor,
If the issues are not solved, it may have adverse impact on the physical as well as the mental health of both partners. There. is a chance that partners seek escapist measures like alcoholism, extra marital affairs, separation, divorce and worst of all attempt suicide.
As they say you reap what you sow, similarly you will get back what you put in a marriage. Marriage is not some kind of proprietorship but it is a partnership wherein both partners have equal rights as well as responsibility to, make the marriage work. It is a two way process of give and take of love, respect, trust. A good and successful marriage is the union of heart, mind and soul of both partners.