Why Sexual Satisfying is Important for Successful Marriage? How Pre-Marital Counseling help in this? Discuss briefly.
SEX IN MARRIAGE.
An unavoidable ingredient of marriage, sexual satisfaction can be a key to a happy and successful marriage. It affects the attitude and behaviour of both partner towards each other. Earlier it was believed that it is the man who have more sexual urge than a women and she has no significant role to play she just has to give in to the demands of her partners. But modern studies and researches have shown that both men and women have strong sexual urges. It is the duty of both to satisfy each other’s needs and also respect each other’s feelings.
Sexual activities are not restricted to creating new life. But it is a source to gain pleasure and entertainment. It is an effective tool to create love and longing for each other in a relationship and also a means to communicate love and respect to each other. It is necessary that both the partners should:
- Be comfortable in each other’s company.
- Understand and respect each others requirements.
- Talk to each other and share experiences of pleasure and pain during the sexual acts.
- Maintain privacy in their sexual activities.
Preparation for Sexual Relationship: The Wedding Night
Being one of the important basis of a successful marriage, couples are required to be prepared for a happy and satisfying sexual relationship. In context of India, most of the couples are inexperienced and due to the lack of knowledge, fear and anxiety, romantic ideas generated from various movies cannot consummate their marriage on the wedding night that may lead to lot of frustration and disappointment in the couple. A, bad experience on the wedding night may have an adverse effect on the couples married life.
People have varied fantasies associated with their first wedding night or what is called a suhagraat. It is, in majority cases in India, is their first experience to be with a partner with opposite sex and it is for the first time they offer themselves to each other both mentally and physically.
Let us see what happens to majority couples on their wedding night. After tiring round of rituals and wedding ceremony which lasts almost the whole night and the maximum part of the next day’s morning, the couple is fired and exhausted. Moreover, they are ignorant and inexperienced and have vague or inaccurate knowledge about sex after marriage. Though, married, both are stranger for each other. Both are under pressure to live up to the fantasies of the first night which are generally picked up from the Bollywood movies. Other than all the mixed feelings, they may also be having their fears and anxieties. Another major or factor can have tremendous effect could be history’ of sexual abuse by any of the partners.
- They reel under emotional pressure of leaving their home.
- They could have fear of pain and bleeding in the event of first intercourse.
- There could have been a fear or anxiety about getting pregnant on the first time only.
- She must be confused and apprehensive about her in-laws.
- Tension during marriage due to issues such as dowry, gifts etc. may have a negative impact on her mind.
- There could be a feeling of fear and hesitation related to sex.
- He could be reeling under tension and anxiety for giving good sexual performance.
Consequences and Effects:
In case of a man we can call it a no win position, if he is aggressive and insensitive towards the partner and forces himself on her for sexual intercourse, it may prove to be a painful and traumatizing experience for her. On the other hand if he is hesitant and is unable to give good performance then there is a chance that he may lose confidence in himself and get disappointed. This may have an adverse impact on the future sexual life of the couple, especially if the wife happens to be non-cooperative and lacks understanding. There is a chance that she may question his manhood which may further make a dent his confidence. One cannot rule out the fact the couple may not have proper knowledge about the correct posture and due to the fear of bleeding they may fail to have a successful intercourse.
In order to have a relaxed and calm beginning of the sexual relationship it is necessary for the couple to go in for a premarital counseling and also first understand each other and develop mutual understanding. It is sheer stupidity to try consummating the marriage on the first wedding night itself to prove oneself. One thing a couple must understand is that there is nothing wrong if the marriage is not consummated on the first night. What is necessary is to get used to each other’s company and make them relaxed and comfortable both physically and emotionally before starting their sexual relationship. For a stronger bond amongst them, the couple can have a talk on this issue in the privacy of their room. It is also the responsibility of the parents to arrange for a premarital counseling for orientation on all the small but very important aspects of the married life.
An important task of pre-marital counseling is to find out if any of the partners would have had experienced any sexual trauma in the past like instance of rape, molestation inappropriate advances made by someone etc. If it is so, then these types of experiences can cause hindrances in otherwise a happy married life if not resolved. In such a situation, the counselor should sort out all queries and fears of the person or if need should be referred to someone who can solve these issues.
Another area where the counselor needs to explore is that either partner has no issues related to their sexuality, i.e., they are not attracted to someone of their own sex. Such matter if left unresolved can play havoc in the couples married life as there is a chance that the partner involved in homosexual relationships would be getting into marriage only to cover up and would have intentions of continuing his relationship with the person of the same sex; as in our country marriage within the same sex is illegal. Such cases of homosexuality need specific counseling to determine whether the person would be able to honor his/her commitment into an heterosexual marital relationship.